Have you always been the ‘yes’ person. If some asks for help – yes, I can do that! Could you just do this job? Yes, of course. Shall we go shopping? Yes, if you want to. We say yes to everything. Mostly, this is due to trying to please others. We want the best for the people closest to us so if they ask for something, we often try our best to meet their needs. However, this is at the detriment of our own. Every time we say yes to someone else, we could be saying no to things that are important to ourselves. This can lead to us feeling underwhelmed, disappointed and not fulfilled in life. It’s time to start saying no. Saying no will transform the narrative from prioritising others, to prioritising ourselves. Sometimes this is exactly what we need to get back on track.
Why say no?
If you are a people pleaser, then you have been prioritising others for most of your life. Which is lovely for the people around you, but not so good for your wellbeing. Because you say yes to every invite, every catch up and every event going on around you, you may find that you have less time for the things that matter to you, such as self care, hobbies and interests or spending time with key people in your life. If you are are feeling off balance, then read on for more tips on how to put you back in the centre of your world.
What to say no to
Knowing what to say no to is going to be personal to you. There is no one size fits all approach, so look through this list carefully and pick out ones that might be most impactful for you. Which of these items is the reason you are feel unbalanced at the moment?
- social events with people we aren’t close to – lunch or dinner events, birthdays, occasions,
- bigger events – concerts, festivals, fun days
- jobs or helping others.
How to say no
It’s time to put your big girl pants on here and be brave. Most of the time you will get less of a backlash than you might think. Those events never really mattered in the first place, will not be bothered if you don’t turn up. You can think of this as you just being a number here. This takes the pressure off. However, there may be some response to saying no to other events or occasions. Having a planned response to this might be worth having in your back pocket, just in case. You could also use these as part of your explanation for not attending – if that’s the approach you want to take. Firstly, know that it is absolutely ok to say no without giving a reason. You shouldn’t have to explain yourself to anyone.
- Delay meeting up: ‘I won’t be able to attend (insert event here), but I hope we can catch up again soon.’
- Snowed under: ‘I am sorry but I am unable to attend (insert event here). I am finding it tricky to balance things, so need to take some time away from events to allow things to settle. I would love to catch up about how it went soon.
- Time for me: ‘I am sorry to say that I won’t be able to attend (insert event here). I need to prioritise time for me to reset. I hope you understand and I hope (insert event here) goes well. It would be great to catch up when I am feeling more myself. I hope you understand.
Finding a balance
It’s not always possible to say no to events. I appreciate that some events are non-negotiable. If that is the case, then it will mean looking at the negotiable ones and choosing to say no to those events in order to find a balance. It’s not ideal, but speaking openly with people, will help them to know that it is a temporary way of finding balance.
What to say yes to
Moving forward, it is important to think about what you say yes to in the first place, so that you are create the balance that works for you.
- Say yes to events that suit your ideas and morals.
- Say yes to events that make you happy with people that you enjoy spending time with is an easy win.
- self-care activities
- hobbies
- exercise that you want to do
- social activities that suit your needs
Saying no to events that are not quite your thing will eliminate the need to withdraw from them dow the line.
Rachel, Declutter Your Life X
For more information check out the little acts of decluttering: https://declutteryourlife.co.uk/decluttering/june-little-acts-of-decluttering/
Check out my youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/RachelNoakes
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