HOW TO BE SINGLE AND HAPPY!

Despite what society dictates, it is possible to be single and happy about it! You do not need a partner in your life to feel content or to achieve your goals. You are capable on your very own! Who’d have thought it?!

I have been on this journey for 3 years and I am finally at a point where I can honestly say I am happy and content being single. I have no need to have a man in my life. Here’s how:

1. Get to know yourself! I have spent most of my adult life being in relationships. I wasn’t confident and didn’t really know what I wanted in life. Being single has allowed me to achieve so much more. I realised that I love photography, coastal walks, quality time with my friends and badminton. I have been able to take the time to do things on my own and get to know myself. In doing so I feel content in my life and enjoy each day.
2. Reduce social media usage. It can be so easy to sit and compare yourself to others – this is never a healthy activity to do. Think about how you can use social media in a positive way. I found it helpful to only have people on there that I would genuinely talk to and interact with. Unfollow anyone that you want to remain friends with but find their posts too much. Try and get your newsfeed to be full of positive and inspirational people that you really connect with. It can make it much more valuable.
3. Don’t hate the player, hate the game. For this I am referring to the expected notion that you need a partner to be happy. Society tells us we must find a partner, must marry and have children. You do not have to fit a generic mould. It is perfectly ok to not have a partner. Whilst humans are social creatures, company does not need to be a lover. And if you don’t want kids, that is perfectly ok too. It is important to find happiness in yourself, rather than others.
4. Delete dating apps! This is a hard one. I know there are single people that would still like to meet someone. However, I think it is important to have some time for yourself. It can be a lot of pressure using dating apps. I felt like I was having the same conversation hundreds of times over. It can get tedious and repetitive. Have a break from this. Take some time out and if you desire, go back onto these after a little while. I just felt like the constant rejection and built up expectation can be overwhelming, so I chose to rid myself of this pressure. It is possible to meet people outside of the online world (although I appreciate a global pandemic does make this trickier), but there are other ways if you are keen to meet someone.
5. Make time for you. This is very similar to point number one, but you cannot underestimate the power of having quality time with yourself. This could be making sure you have a good self care routine, such as relaxing baths, reading a book, etc, as well as taking time to plan your future.
6. Connect with people that are important to you. Take time to better your relationships with friends and family. Call, message or video chat with them. Maybe check in with them weekly (this is my favourite thing to do at the end of the week) and ask them how their week has gone. Spend time with them, have fun, drink and be merry (when social distancing is reduced).
7. Set goals or plan for your future. I know goal setting isn’t for everyone, but personally, I like to have an idea of what I am working towards. This keeps me motivated. See it as personal development goals. It means that I have a focus and something to occupy my mind. This could be something like reading once a week, or doing more daily exercise, such as a walk etc. They do not have to be big goals for this. Do see my other post about setting achievable goals.
8. Sleep and eat healthily. This is a rather generally sweeping statement, but do not underestimate the power of good food and a decent night’s sleep. I recently read Why We Sleep, by Matthew Walker, and it really opened my eyes to the healing powers of sleep to solve a multitude of medical needs. Another good tip connected to this is reducing blue screen before bedtime (iPhone have the nightshift option under display settings and for android there is an app called Twilight).
9. Exercise. I know this isn’t for everyone, but by exercising I do not expect you to run a marathon each week. It can be at a level that suits you. Exercise is good for mental health. Since starting parkrun 2 years ago I have greatly improved my mental health. I am by no means a runner. In fact I hate it, but I do force myself once a week to get out and go for a short run. What I loved about parkrun (and I do miss it since the pandemic halted it) is the motivation from others that you get as you go round. It really is a community. If this isn’t your jam, there are plenty of other options out there for you. A walk around the block, cycling, power walking, yoga, tai chi, kayaking, badminton, to name but a few. Find an exercise that you could enjoy and encourage a small amount each day, or every other day.
10. Love yourself. Be proud of yourself and acknowledge your wins in life. The best champion you will ever have in life is you! You are responsible for saying well done, patting yourself on the back and being your number one cheerleader. If this is something that you struggle with, start small with little things that you can be proud of – i.e. I am proud that I cooked a healthy meal tonight, or I am proud of myself for trying something new, or I am proud of myself for going outside of my comfort zone. Go you! You achieve more than you will ever give yourself credit for.

Whilst no-one is perfect, I am certainly guilty of a ‘down day’ or two. I am always revert back to these key points to get myself back on track. I hope they are helpful to you too.

That 30 Something Life x