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I will not settle for less than I deserve!
Last week I decided that I didn’t feel the same anymore. I was in a relatively new relationship prior to lockdown. I feel in love quickly. Felt comfortable around him. I even thought he might be the one…
…And as quickly as I fell in love, I fell out of love again. Not only with him, but with myself. Things didn’t feel like they were quite right. I lost a sense of myself. Only a little, but I had been down that path before and knew I didn’t want to make the same mistake again. So I ended it. I did feel a bit guilty that my feelings had changed, but for no other reason that it just wasn’t what I wanted anymore. I wanted me!
I never thought I would be saying something like that. My previous relationship was on and off for 3 or 4 years. A relationship all about him, not us. So when that ended I spent a lot of time learning about myself again. I discovered new hobbies, took up old ones. I got back to feeling a sense of self. This was great. It meant that when I went into this new relationship I was confident, knew what I wanted and wasn’t going to settle. My experiences paved the path for me knowing what is right for me. I thought it might have worked, but when I started to lose my identity again, I realised that this was not what I wanted.
I was brave, strong and powerful for making a decision purely for me. For once I was selfish and I am proud of myself for doing this.
I am not out there again looking for someone (how could that possibly happen during lockdown anyway!?). I am just about being me and making myself and my son happy.
That 30 Something Singleton X
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